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Interviews: You could be next, watch yourself
Haven't really payed attention to formatting or anything. Feel free to help make this look a little nicer if you want.* While in the chat, the decision was made to begin interviewing various players of the NC-genre and beyond. The progress of said interviews will be posted here. Remember, you could be next. Watch yourself. The following was conducted in the NC Wiki Chat. It is uncensored, so those with weak stomachs should avert thine eyes. Legless562 {C}Q: What is your stance on Chef Boyardee? A: Who?! Q: He is an American chef - he makes meatballs and stuff. Best meatballs you could buy from Walmart. STANCE?!? A: Doggy Style Q: Alright, do you enjoy bowling? A: Yes I do. Q: Is it possible? A: Is what possible? Q: It? A: Yes. It’s a great book - totally plausible. Q: How long have you been playing NC, from over yonder? A: Probs from bout July 2011. Since bout NC 31 I think. Q: What is your stance on dodge ball? A: Shit film. Q: And the sport, if it is a sport? A: To many balls involved, it’s like a gay gangbang. Q: So, on that note, you also hated PE class in middle school? A: Yes. Q: And finally: What's your stance on Women's Rights? A: Missionary Closing: Thanks for the lightning interview, Legless! Closing: Good, good. Cheerio old chap. Farmadyll {C}Q: What is your opinion on Chef Boyardee? A: Well… It depends, Spaghettios or Ravioli. Q: Spaghettios, for sure. A: Spaghettios are the win. Q: What is your opinion on the “sport” dodge ball? A: Well… throwing a car at someone is completely vulgar. Q: When you are eating spaghetti, do you find it hard not to look like a caveman? (You know, all manners go out the window to eat it) A: Well… the answer is the question without an answer, which requires another question. Q: Complete the following: When the day is ___, I enjoy eating ___. A: When the day is questionable, I enjoy eating answers. Q: Do you find it weird that this interview has been predominantly about food? A: Yes. Q: When using your Canadian accent, do you enjoy using the word “eh”? -*No answer* -*Impatience: “??!?!?!?!”* A: I don’t have a Canadian accent and only people in Toronto say “eh”. Q: Advil or Tylenol? A: Oxycontin. Closing: Thank you for your time, Farmadyll! Closing: K. Bismarck I, II and III {C}Q: Alright, do you feel Dr. Pepper is the cure? A: Yes, it is. Q: Have you ever heard of the band, “The Cure”? A: Nope. Q: How do you feel about Chef Boyardee? A: I got like 4 cans in my cabinet and my mom gets pissy if I eat them; overall, good intentions. Q: In that case, do you also feel that it’s hard to not look like a caveman while eating spaghetti? A: I slam my face into the plate and slop it around. That is the only proper way to eat spaghetti. Q: Complete the following: While drinking ___, I find that I become ___. A: While drinking melted down chocolate bars, I find that I become blacker. Q: If someone were to come up to you holding a sandwich and say “Fancy a sandwich? It’s a fancy sandwich.” what would you say or do? A: Punch them in the face, take sandwich, take out bottle of KY Kelly I carry around everywhere, shove sandwich up my ass, shit-out sandwich on the person’s face while people gather around to watch. Q: Is it possible? A: Just follow your dreams, that’s what I do. Q: Are you what they call a “model citizen”? A: No, because I don’t live in Model City. Q: Final question/scenario. Alright, you are walking down the street in a very stylish manner. While walking past the nearest Dunkin Donuts, you realize that the whole place is getting robbed. Knowing that you can't possibly let this go unnoticed, you run in, but you forgot one crucial thing: You forgot your pants that day. Because of it, the man with a double-barrel shotgun notices you so fast it's not even funny. Aiming down his sights, he is about to blow you away. What do you do? A: Get an erection. Q: Is that your final answer?!?! A: *No answer* Closing: Alright, alright. Thank you for your time, sir Bismarck the I, II and soon-to-be III. Closing: KK. Rpvictor Scorched: Alright, first question: Cheese in a can, what’s up with that? Rpvictor: Van der waal’s equation. Scorched: I will need Wikipedia to understand that answer. Alright, if someone were to ask you the following: “Fancy a sandwich? It’s a fancy sandwich.” what would you do? Rpvictor: That depends. If it has a toothpick with an olive, I would take it. If not, I would claim that the sandwich is not fancy. Scorched: Ah, very insightful. McDonalds or Burger King? Rpvictor: Burger King. Scorched: Heart failure or liver failure? Rpvictor: Hmm… Whichever is quicker. Scorched: I see. Alright, how do you feel about Chef Boyardee? Rpvictor: I feel that people are obsessed with Chef Boyardee are a danger to society. Scorched: I see. In that case, do you feel that Chef Boyardee himself is a myth or a menace? Rpvictor: Neither. Scorched: What is your favorite emoticon? Rpvictor: Is there a headdesk or objection emoticon? Scorched: Sure, maybe *:O where * = bruise from headdesk. Complete the following: If that were the case, ___ would be ___. Rpvictor: This question has no answer. Your demonstrative pronouns are undefined. Scorched: Fair enough. Alright, here is the final question/situation: You are walking down the street one day, your hair looking exceptionally awesome. When you are walking past the nearest Walmart, disaster strikes: "Give me your hair." says someone holding a .50 cal sniper rifle. What do you do? Rpvictor: First, I would analyze the situation. A person who uses a sniper rifle to kill somebody right in front of them and wants somebody to give him hair is clearly mentally unstable. This tells me that I may be able to talk him out of it. I will try that. If that doesn't work, I'll take the gun from him. I am a black belt. I can knock it out of his hands easily. As f3n says far too often, gg. Now I have a question for you. Scorched: OK. Rpvictor: Why are you obsessed with Chef Boyardee? Scorched: Oh, well you see, the other day I was starving around 12:00. Basically, after I found a can of Chef’s Macaroni, I made it hastily. While consuming it I realized that it was from Heaven. -*Awkward ending* Volcano1qaz This interview was done on the SE chat. Scorched: How do you feel about Chef Boyardee? Volcano: The person or the brand? Scorched: Hmmm… both. Volcano: Person – I don’t talk to chefs. Food – Ate it during my childhood, now I can’t find it. Scorched: Now, how do you feel about the excess amount of purple on the SE site? Volcano: It reminds me too much of Saints Row: The Third. >_> Scorched: Ok, next question. Do you have an affiliation with a REAL volcano? Volcano: >_> <_< I once had to eat an entire Volcano to live. It didn’t taste good. >_> Scorched: Ok, what do you know about “Stranger Danger”? Volcano: It’s always the quiet ones. Scorched: Ok, if you were a Koala bear for a day, what would you do? Volcano: Hm… Become a ninja Koala bear, then ebat up spies >_> I hate spies. Scorched: If you were a spy, would you be forced to kill yourself? Volcano: Only a spy would ask that question… DIE!!!!! >_> Scorched: Hot pockets, what’s up with them? Volcano: They burn when fresh from the Pocket factory. >_> Scorched: Is your favorite emoticon “>_>”? Why? Volcano: Yes, because it can mean anything at all. Scorched: O_O Volcano: >_> Scorched: In the case of Chuck Norris vs. Rache Glock, who wins? Volcano: Chuck Norris. Scorched: Okok, here is your final question/situation: You are in a building, minding your own business and drinking coffee. You just so happen to notice that a creepy man that doesn’t work there is staring at you, and you soon realize that not only is he real, but only you can see him. Trying to ignore him, you drink your coffee and begin walking quickly away. As you read your desk, you are attacked: He is strong and has a knife. What do you do?!?! Volcano: Tomohawk him with the coffee. Scorched: Thank you for the interview, Sir Volcano. *Shakes hand* Volcano: Excellent. Tally ho. fuzzles32 Scorched: Why is your name “fuzzles”? Fuzzles: Whatever answer is correct. Scorched: Are you familiar with “Stranger Danger?” Fuzzles: I know what it means but I have never used it. But I am familiar with Unicorns. Scorched: What is your opinion of Chef Boyardee? Fuzzles: Never ate it before. Scorched: :O!@!@!! Ok, what is your favorite emoticon? Fuzzles: As in :)? Scorched: Yes. Fuzzles: Hi. That’s my answer. Scorched: Alright, do you find it hard to use manners while eating spaghetti? Fuzzles: Definitely. Scorched: Complete the following: I find that when __, often times __ usually happens shortly after. Fuzzles: DO I CRACK???? Scorched: No rofl. Fuzzles: I find that when watching Elmo often times I start clapping shortly after in a retarded manner. To be honest this is the strangest job interview I have ever done. Scorched: Do you enjoy wearing socks? Fuzzles: I don’t know any way to answer that. Neutral I guess. Scorched: If you could travel through time, where would you go and what would you do? Fuzzles: Viking age on the first raid to Lindesfirane. Scorched: If you could be a Viking for a day, would you grow a beard? Fuzzles: Maybe. Scorched: Ok, here is your final question/situation: You are walking down the stree, wearing full Viking wear, your manly beard protruding from your face. You notice that someone is following you while carrying a .50 cal machine gun. Obviously they are very strong, but so are you. “Hey you!” you hear. There will be trouble, you can tell. What do you do? Fuzzles: Take my spear and jab it into their face. Take a fork and jab their eye out but keep it connected to the brain and show them, and then beat them down with my axe. Scorched: Nice Rome reference, there. Thank you for your time, fuzzles! -*Awkward ending* George Chipaels Scorched: Ok, first question: What is your stance on Chef Boyardee? George Chipaels: Chef Boyardee is a KGB agent attempting to proliferate his products to as many Americans as possible to gain both financial support for future operations and to eventually poison America with Cyanide-laced Chef Boyardee. Unfortunately, due to the amazing taste of his products, both goals seem to be accomplishable in the enar future. Scorched: So, in that case, you support the apparent lack of Chef Boyardee articles on the NC Wiki? George Chipaels: Indeed I do, for keeping Chef Boyardee off the Wiki and denying his existence are the best ways to defend against his attack. Scorched: Everyone wonders: Why have you been so inactive?! George Chipaels: Officially, music conferences everywhere from Miami to Tallahassee. Unofficially, I have been attempting to track down Boyardee and carry out an attack against his Headquarters to destroy his plans. My most recent raid, occurring just two days ago, has proven the connection between the Chef and the MLP. Scorched: You are not an MLP fan, am I correct? George Chipaels: I'm actually a close friend of the sound guy and Steve Irwin. So I am against MLP officially, but I do think that they're funny. I secretly support them with just enough funds to evade the hunters. Scorched: Steve Irwin is awesome. George Chipaels: He is, I was hunting with Irwin in an air balloon over Alaska using a fishing pole that made gunshot noises to catch caribou, bears and catfish that can walk on land last night. Scorched: Are the land catfish very strong/hard to destroy? George Chipaels: No, but unhooking them is tough, the spines and all. They’re very tasty, but land catfish are the true source of cyanide, so you have got to be careful with cooking them. I believe that they are to be the final ingredient in Boyardee’s plot. Scorched: So there is no other explanation? George Chipaels: None. I have noticed a massive shrinking in the land catfish population in the past months. Scorched: Are you officially a fan of coffee? George Chipaels: I like coffee, but only without cream of sugar. Just the pure bitter stuff, please. Scorched: How would you feel if I titled this interview George Chipaels'': Secrets Revealed!'' George Chipaels: I would prefer to keep my name classified, and for my name to be recorded as Anonymous for the posting on the wiki. Scorched: Ok, so if I were to name this ''Anonymous (George Chipaels): Secrets Revealed! ''you'd get angry? George Chipaels: Yes, though you may use the name Anonychip. Scorched: *Holds up the recorder* This is all on record. How do you feel about being on record?? George Chipaels: *Holds up Men In Black memory device and puts on sunglasses* *Presses button* Scorched: Hey George Chipaels, ready for the interview? George Chipaels: Yes, Scorched, I am. Scorched: Alright, first question: For the record, when is the official restart date of CAMS? George Chipaels: February 15th. Scorched: What type of plane is that in your wiki pic? George Chipaels: Japanese E-767 AEW&C. Scorched: Here is your final question/situation: You are walking in Alaska, hunting for manbearcatfish, your own version of South Park. As you wander, you notice a very suspicious hideout that you know will contain these types of fish. Upon arrival, you find a cave - fearlessly, you go in. Suddenly, the King of the Manbearcatfish attacks you - it is a massive, muscular monster. What do you do?! -*Strange sounds fill the air* George Chipaels: Serenade it by playing Careless Cooker -*Suddenly wearing this, and playing this song* I feel so unsure As I take your hand and lead you to the kitchen As the chicken dies something in your eyes Calls to mind a silver dish and all its sad goodbyes I'm never gonna cook again Guilty food have got no tastes Though it's easy to pretend I know you're not KGB I should have known better than to blame a Chef And waste a chance that I'd been given So I'm never gonna cook again The way I cooked with yoooouuu Time can never mend The careless whispers of a good chef To the heard and mind, ignorance is kind There's no comfort in the truth, pain is that all you'll find. I'm never gonna cook again Guilty food have got no tastes Though it's easy to pretend I know you're not KGB I should have known better than to blame a chef And waste a chance that I'd been given So I'm never gonna cook again The way I cooked with you With or without your food Tonight the food seems so good Maybe it's better this way I wish that we could lose this food We could have cooked so well together We'd hurt each other with the things we want to cook We could've lived this kitchen forever But now, who's gonna cook with me? Please stay I'm never gonna cook again Guilty food have got no tastes Though it's easy to pretend I know you're not KGB I should've known better than to blame a chef And waste a chance that I'd been given So I'm never gonna cook again The way I cooked with you (Now that you're gone) Now that you're gone (Now that you're gone) Was what I did so wrong? So wrong that you had to leave me alone? The Omni1 Q: What is your stance on Chef Boyardee? A: I'd say that it tastes like what it sounds like. • Italians. Q: How do you feel about the lakc of Chef Boyardee articles on the wiki? A: KFC. In addition, I'd say that it represents a lack of morality within our society. Q: So, you thoroughly enjoy KFC, and therefore, chicken? A: Indeed. But to truly understand KFC, one must know the background. In the beginning, Colonel Sanders hovered over the waters. And he said, "Let there be spice." And there was the Original Recipe, and he saw that it was good. But then, the evil Church's rebelled against him. In the end times, Church's will attack KFC. But KFC's Cajun will win, and an eternity of spice will result. -Book of Sanders Q: How do you feel about Steve Jobs? A: I dislike him. I dislike all Jobs, in fact. Except handjobs. Q: So, you are lazy? A: Hold on. I'll answer that later. Q: Why do you enjoy being lazy? A: The Omni1 Too lazy to care. Q: Does KFC make or break your laziness? • A: I'd say break, because I have to steal to buy the Original Recipe. Just like everyone else who goes to KFC. Q: Do you or do you not own a bicycle? A: I own the neighbor's bicycle. Q: Do you frequently overreact? A: OH MY GOD SCORCHEDS CAPSLOCK KEY IS BROKEN THE WORLD IS ENDING Q: What if I told you that this was the end? Of Rock? A: I'd listen to techno. DUBSTEP WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB VROOM REV REV BZZ CRACK STEP STEP BOOM BASS FART Q: How is City-States going? A: Nobody has recently posted. I blame the fact that nobody is posting. Q: How do you feel about bread? A: Sourdough is teh pwnzors. Q: You are walking down the street when your clone shows up. He is far more muscular than you, and he kills you. What do you do? • A: Haggle with Satan for awhile. Random Kyrstions · Before we start, would you like to say a word to the Diablo 3 team at Blizzard? · 12:50 Akuma Zero GET IT RIGHT THIS TIME · 12:50 KTStephano how does the phrase · "I'm caca for coocoo puffs" appeal to you? · Akuma Zero I'm sorry, I don't speak coco bird · I speak gibberish · 12:51 KTStephano A likely story... · If I could open a pm within your pm, would you get stomach cramping? · 12:52 Akuma Zero That depends, what does the "pm" stand for? · 12:52 KTStephano private message · or post modern.. · not sure anymore · 12:53 Akuma Zero if Private message, then no · if Post-modern... · i don't know... · 12:53 KTStephano uh-huh... · so you've been up for a whole 48 hours · that's what, a whole entire day? · 12:53 Akuma Zero >.>... · 12:54 KTStephano So, how is this affecting your head? And hair upon the head that sits upon your shoulderS? · 12:55 Akuma Zero My head feels light, but alert, and my hurr is messy as hell. · 12:56 KTStephano Has keepin it real ever gone wrong for you? · 12:56 Akuma Zero Well, is anything even really real? · I mean, for all we know, we're just fig newtons of our imaginations · 12:57 KTStephano Well that's possible · but explain that to the red chile that ripped through me last night · Anyway............. · do you plan to pass out and sleep for many hours soon/ · 12:57 Akuma Zero Umm · I don't plan on it · it may or may not happen · 12:58 KTStephano I believe you can · 12:58 Akuma Zero Well I believe I can fly · does that mean I can? · 12:58 KTStephano well yes · but i recommend southwest airline · i hear they're really good · so....... · what is your favorite cereal and why are vegetables so hard to eat? · :00 Akuma Zero My favorite cereal is this one store-brand chex mix-type cereal with honey. And vegetables aren't hard to eat · I love veggies · 1:00 KTStephano Owow! i prefer v8 vegetable fruit stuff · Have you ever had a lot of caffeine · which was followed by many trips to go pee? · 1:01 Akuma Zero Lots of caffeine, yes · trips to go pee.. well I don't know · perhaps · 1:01 KTStephano It's okay · Anyway, what year is it? · 1:01 Akuma Zero Uhh · .... · I want to say · 2005 · But that doesn't seem right · 1:02 KTStephano Me neither · Have you ever misspelled your own name?!!?!? · 1:02 Akuma Zero No · 1:03 KTStephano dang · Coffee or tea? · 1:03 Akuma Zero Tea · preferably of the iced variety · although actually · neither · 1:03 KTStephano neither?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? · 1:03 Akuma Zero hot chocolate · :D · 1:03 KTStephano W-- · wwwhat?!!? · h-h-h-hoow?!!? · why!? · 1:04 Akuma Zero Starbucks Hot chocolate · is TO DIE FOR man · You should try it sometime · Just be careful · 1:04 KTStephano I should... · 1:04 Akuma Zero the name isn't lying · its hot.. · 1:04 KTStephano thanks for the warning · ALRIGHT, ENOUGH GAMES · Picasso, what's up with his work1!?!? · 1:05 Akuma Zero Don't know, Picasso lived in a pretty tumultuous time period. His influence could have come from anywhere. · 1:06 KTStephano Very true · i always wonder if horses really had two eyes on the same side of their face · during his time · 1:06 Akuma Zero Its possible. · If we weren't there to see it, there's no way to be 100% sure · Gotta see to believe. · 1:07 KTStephano Very true · speaking of mythical burds · the dodo bird comes to mind · what is your stance on oatmeal, based on my revelation? · 1:07 Akuma Zero Apple cinnamon sugar oatmeal is delicious · 1:08 KTStephano very true · what was the single greatest thing you ever had a pet fish when you were little? · 1:08 Akuma Zero Well, I once won a pet fish at a fair one time · We took it home and it died overnight · 1:08 KTStephano Wow · how did you take this incident? · 1:09 Akuma Zero I was 6, I cried for a little · then forgot about it · 1:09 KTStephano D: I'm sorry · ok · on the line of pets · would you ever buy a pet giant water turtle? · 1:11 Akuma Zero No, because where would I keep it? · Although that would be a cool pet · 1:11 KTStephano Well you could always buy a pool · Just.. no one could ever use it · but the turtle · 1:11 Akuma Zero Too expensive · 1:12 KTStephano Ok · let's play pretend · if you had all the money in the world · what would you do if you were extremely poor because you just lost your job? · 1:13 Akuma Zero Well, assuming I had all the money in the world · first, I'd buy decent lodings for myself, then set aside enough money to keep me living comfortably for the rest of my life · then I'd be a philanthropist with the rest · charities, work towards community projects · etc.. · 1:14 KTStephano Very noble answer · very noble way to live! · now, let's not fool ourselves here · you can't spell philanthropist without plant · what is your view towards plants? · 1:14 Akuma Zero They're very pretty · and many of them are very delicious · 1:15 KTStephano like poison ivy · 1:15 Akuma Zero Poison ivy is certainly prety · though not very tasty · 1:15 KTStephano well it burns going down · and when it comes back up · but other than that and the internal rashes it's ok · let's do a quick "what would you do" scenario to wrap this up · you are home alone · ... · the clock on the wall ticks · and it tocks · and it talks · and you sit there · unable to sleep.. · you toss and turn in bed for hours · time: 3:30 pm · you never try to sleep at this time · but you're feeling particularly sick · anyway, you finally sleep · but then you hear something · time: 4:30 pm · you observe your room · and you hear the door opening · your parents don't get back for 2 days!! · what do you do? · 1:17 Akuma Zero Well · First things first, I'd grab some sort of weapon · which, in this case · would be my pillow · Then I'd probably hide underneath it · And then if the thing opening my door passes by · I'd go out into the hallway · and If I see something · lock myself in my bathroom for a couple hours · Nice and safe :D · 1:19 KTStephano what if said breaking and entry-er were to try to force his way · into the locked bathroom?? · 1:20 Akuma Zero Then i'd panic and wait at the door with a toilet plunger in hand · 1:20 KTStephano alright · *digs into the big old pile of few questions* · You're a doctor · about to perform surgery · you stick your hand into the glove box... · you need those gloves to maintain the sterile nature of this operation · you feel some pricks and some pokes, but you continue searching for the gloves · it's a rather large box · you assume they're at the bottom · you continue, few more pokes, whatever · nothing at the bottom · you pull your hand out · DEAR GOD 20 VACCINE NEEDLES IN YOUR ARM · what do you do!?!?!?!?1 · 1:22 Akuma Zero This would never happen · I would never be a doctor, much less perform surgery on anyone · 1:23 KTStephano let's pretend you'r enot you · you're a doctor named Steve Stevenson · now what do you do in the event this happens?! · 1:24 Akuma Zero faint on the floor? · 1:24 KTStephano a nice answer · you're walking down the hallway at your school · minding your own business · someone just down the hall starts to give you the eye · and you become slightly concerned · you try to ignore it, but just then · you fall down 20 flights of stairs · when did they even put those there??? · what do you do · 1:25 Akuma Zero Be like that guy on Family Guy who fell down the stairs when stewie was watching · otherwise · nothingj · just · sit there with most of the bones in my body broken until an ambulance comes to pick me up · 1:27 KTStephano nice answer · 1:31 Akuma Zero I have a few questions for you · 1:31 KTStephano ok · REVERSE OF ROLES · 1:31 Akuma Zero What is your take on the literature of Arthur Miller? · 1:32 KTStephano hmm · I liked death of a salesman for two reason · one i thought it was interesting · and two it was mentioned in the epic rap battles of history · · 1:33 Akuma Zero I see · Now as far as epic rap battles go · which would be more epic · Cortana vs. Yoda, or Lee Young Ho vs. Lee Jae Dong? · 1:34 KTStephano hm · that's easy.................... · Lee Young Ho vs Innovation or STUHHTAELL LIIIIEEFFF · that was a gsl automatic announcer · 1:35 Akuma Zero I see, very good impression · And now, the ever famous question · Does this sound like something Glock would say · "LICK MY BALLS AND FUCK MY GOLDFISH YOU WANKER" · 1:36 KTStephano yes · 1:36 Akuma Zero Interesting · 1:36 KTStephano as you know glock is the scoundrel from d3 · who would also say this · 1:36 Akuma Zero in this case, Glock is a goldfish. · And his name is Cassie · 1:36 KTStephano seems fitting · let's call him Cassie from now on · 1:37 Akuma Zero Agreed · Now, that is it for my questions · What is your final question for me? · 1:37 KTStephano yes........... · If your suitcase was on fire while a chicken nested in your hair · what would calm you down? · 1:38 Akuma Zero Sleeping with Sirens · 1:38 KTStephano VERY NICEC!@#@!@#!@#@#@#!@#!@#!@#!@# · YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHAWWWW THATS A WRAP Category:Meta-Articles